Thanksgiving

Its thanks-giving today and I am thankful for my life experiences, my children, my health, my friends and family. Every step I take into the next moment, I become more aware of my own self building on this self awareness that I am nothing but myself....

Namaste

Jump start my yoga practice with Neeta Dutta's workshop

Sometimes when a car has not been driven (or battery continually charged with a drip, as I do to my two seater) the battery goes cold. My yoga practice went cold for nearly 8 weeks as the work, travel and stresses of life took over. One would think a committed yogi like myself would remain consistent and true to his practice. Nada.. I let it slip....the vegan approach didn't work for me, loss of energy combined with all the balls we juggle to survive results in exactly the opposite of what you want to do. The learning (its a re-learning for me) is that we are just not in control of ourselves, and we gravitate towards our habits of extremes. It also affirms that we never were in control and never will. So why fight it. There is a more powerful force that exists beyond us, in every sense, physical and spiritual that we must surrender to and live in the moment and be cognizant of the moment, so when the opportunity presents we reset to become calm, and understand how to get re centered and try to achieve what Patanjali describes in his yoga sutras. By giving up control, The Effort becomes effortless. That is what I learned (or relearned) last night from a two hour forward bending Iyengar yoga session with Neeta Dutta at Sunset Yoga. It was the jump start my cold battery badly needed after two months of winter hibernation. The new studio is awesome, full of light and energy. There is more (re) learning all day today and part of tomorrow. I expect to be physically worn out by then, but I am certain my mind will be refreshed...Thank you Neeta! Namaste

Exhale out your stress in Ujai 2 - Begining of Pranayama

Finally, a formal 8 week pranayama class arrived at Sunset Yoga Center to be taught by Jen! I have been waiting for such a class and I wouldn't miss it for the world. The catch, no make ups or walk-ins. That will break my walk-in mode of attending yoga classes in Portland. I had become a walk-in drone for the last two years. Everything is sporadic when it comes to yoga, except when I am in Pune, when I can get to yoga for 2 hours a day.

I arrived to the class promptly, right from the gym and to my surprise found a small group with none of the regulars (those who attended level 3) around. Jen started with a great intro and some supine poses as preparation for pranayama and then in the last 20 mins of the class we practiced Ujai breathing - 1, 2, 3.

I found Ujai 2 the most relaxing and meditative, as those deep exhalations lead you to that empty space between the exhalation and the next inhalation. Its the nothing space, where you have let go for a moment every thought, desire and distraction and your mind is at peace and calm with yourself. I practiced it again last night before I went to bed and slept well.

A quote from Lord Krishna to Arjuna from the book "The Yoga of Bhagvad Gita"" perhaps best describes the feeling of Ujai 2: "O Partha, (Arjuna)! when a man completely relinquishes all desires of the the mind, and is entirely contended in the Self, by the Self, he is then considered to be one settled in wisdom".

There was great wisdom of being content for those few moments in Ujai 2 on Thursday night. I look forward to many more. Thank you Jen for a great class.

Namaste

Are you awake?

On my way to an Iyengar yoga class on the L muni line.
Attending a class with David Sirgany, an Iyengar teacher I had the pleasure of meeting at Gurujis 90th birthday celebration in India. I am thinking how my life has evolved in the last 4 years. What has yoga done to my life?

Yoga simply has brought me some clarity of thought and mind. Perhaps I deal with my stress and pain better. Perhaps I'm more compassionate. Perhaps more tranquil. But I'm just me. I just want peace and neutrality but then at the same time I don't want "anything" - I just want nothing.

What is nothing? Empty space ? That space between inhalation and exhalation or space between the vertebrae in my spine. Or the space in the sky filled with zillions of stars. I don't know what nothing means but I want it but then I don't want anything either. So here I am hanging in "space" and I'm wide awake.

Namaste

P.S. The class with David was energizing. A lot of chest openings through back bends..Then a couple who recently starting doing Iyengar Yoga and drove all the way from Sacramento to take this class, pulled me into the dumpling place after the class. It was delicious and divine and the conversation was wonderful...I was fully awake and in complete bliss.

Happy Diwali

Yesterday was Diwali, the Indian celebration of lights. My children spent a whole day creating these beautiful crafts as decorations and parting gifts for close friends we had invited for an evening of dinner, pooja and lighting of diyas (clay lamps from India) and candles.

There was a gathering at my house. The pooja mandir was set, dinner was cooked (well made by a generous friend who has the gift of healthy cooking), the house was scrubbed clean, old keep sakes and lamps of diwali taken out, new keep sakes and diyas purchased - all the traditiona of Diwali I experienced from my childhood repeated. It started a week ago and the day before spent with children preparing for the auspicious evening the next day. So much of my childhood repeated but with some modifications of my own. Even though I am no longer in India, that spirit and joy of recreating my own life as a child repeated with and through my children.

It was a magical evening, something that has now become somewhat of a tradition in my household since the children were born. Its a tradition I inherited from my own parents.We had hoped to save one of these crafts, but the children just handed them out to everyone who came till nothing was left for them to keep as a memory. A school book report and a show and tell at her class was interrupted as a result younger one had nothing to take anymore.. Suddenly her desire and inspiration was gone. But this was such a pure and generous gift to our guests, that I now realize that there is no better book report or show and tell than the generosity and giving expressed by my children in that moment.

Perhaps it is this virtue of unadulterated giving that is the true spirit of Diwali, even though the history tells us it is the day of the win of the good over the evil and the return of a king to his homeland (amongst many other reasons and traditions).

Yesterday there was joy, laughter, music, lights in my household. Tonight, there is silence and quiet and yesterday feels like a distance memory. The only evidence left in the house of yesterday is the pooja mandir created by my kids and the sweet incense they loved to burn, and the colourful moong bean rangoli the children created with help from a friend "Kaye". I had no idea what she meant by making rangoli by gluing "beans" to paper - but it was simply divine. It created a new tradition in my family.

The makeshift pooja mandir will be left in its place and will stay for a while, till it is respectfully put away in its historical place on a kitchen nook. But this is a memory I will cherish always in my heart, because there was a lot of love and joy that was shared last night. I am wiser for it, because despite my loneliness and sadness of not having my munchkins tonight with me, I am comforted with the knowledge that they deeply share my joy and love of giving and the love of Diwali. These seeds are well planted, along with the seeds of yoga and when my young ones grow up from little seedlings to trees, this value shall blossom and I will have done my part of imparting my culture, language, tradition, and love of yoga to them, so they then can perhaps carry the same family tradition and history.

My hired help Erika left with her own special keepsakes of Bean Rangoli from the children had the most inspiring parting words.. "It was a magical evening!"... Yes Diwali is magical but not just for children, but for anyone of any age as it inspires you to spark that light in yourself and allowd you to experience the joy of giving so you too shine your own light in your unique way...

Happy Diwali to you all and I hope you too can shine your light with others...

Namaste

The Yogi

Fight the pain!

My writer's block has continued. It has been hard to motivate myself to collect my thoughts and put the "electronic pen" to the "electronic paper". I had prepared a synopsis of my India trip, especially 5 days I spent in Pune where I had the opportunity to visit Abhay's studio and get 2 hours of yoga every morning. It did wonders for my sciatica and lower back. I also took a very fun "Sports yoga" class where we did "fast poses" and the whole class.

I arrived in India and spent the first week in excruciating pain and the last 5 days were bliss despite long hours and nights at work. I got a chance to say goodbye to some friends from Chile, who had not only spent a year in Pune practicing at the institute, but travelled extensively and absorbed the culture to the fullest. I highly recommend this to folks who want to come and practice at the institute. I know many come for a month and have a packed schedule. But experiencing the people and culture is as important as 5-6 hours of yoga at the institute where you live in a bubble.

In addition to being in Pune, I had the pleasure to connect with my past from 28 years, my classmates from grade 10 and visiting the place I grew up. I left with a profound message from Abhay as I struggled with chronic back pain. "Don't try to avoid it, fight it"! I am fighting it..

Namaste

The balance is back - 7 days of yoga and counting

It was imminent that I would wake up one day and realize that I had gone astray. I had let myself go again! Over the last six months I had become complacent and let the stress consume me inside. Outwardly, I was starting to eat my stress out and had let my physical practice or yoga and walking slip to the sidelines. I was starting to balloon.

I had the usual excuses - too busy, too much work, travel, bad food. It all hit me at once, when I hit 210 pounds in June 2009 and then by June end I was 214 pounds. I couldn't fit in my pants, my asthma returned, and I was starting to slip into the hole of depression.

Finally there is a realization and eureka moment! "Just take care of yourself first"! In that awareness I made a pact with myself. I had planned Munoso's intense one week workshop in the first week of July in San Franciso at Abode of Yoga. I couldn't attend it as one of the days was a day with my children. That was more important that any yoga in the world. So I made a promise to myself - I would practice yoga every day I was denied time with my children starting July 1. That was a 14 day stretch. Not only would I practice yoga, but I would restart my walking, watch my food intake and let the stress go away from within.

It has been 9 days. I have taken a yoga class for the last 7 days. I have walked 2-3 miles every other day and I have restarted the healing of my mind, body and soul. I went on the scale today. I am down to 210 pounds. The soreness from the first few days has dissipated. I have gone back to the path of centering myself. It has been a re-learning of what I learnt for the last 3 years - how to calm your mind and how to connect to your mind and soul through your body.

Everything I learnt is steadily coming back. There is no more sadness as much as there is no more happiness . There is no more an expectation of where I "should" be in my life right now. I am where I am, and I couldn't be at any other place. So I accept where I am, and I just go with the flow of life, with the only one end goal and that is to remain in my neutral space. Everything else including the weight will simply melt away. The balance is slowly returning and I felt it in my sirsasana yesterday. I can really balance on my head now, better than I had ever before.

That was my realization today and with it melted away my writing block......I am back to blogging.. slowly but surely!

Namaste

The Yogi

Keeping it real - yoga or not!

Recently I connected with school friends of mine, graduating high school class from St. Joseph's Convent in Faridabad India, a suburb of New Delhi. The year was 1981. I cannot forget that time and even though faces were forgotten, some names were forgotten, we kids all had a bond, and its amazing how those connections come right back after a deep sleep. The internet has connected us again, and the folks who connected were folks who you were connected with then, your circle of friends and some enemies, but at the end of the day they were all friends. Of all them most changed was me... no one could recognize my picture.

My connection to yoga started in that school. We would have a yoga class once a week in PT. Simple poses, like padmasana, not simple anymore for me... but the seed was sown. In grade 8, I wrote a play based on a yoga show that would come on TV every week. A Swami Dhiren Brahmachari would run it - he would rattle off the asanas, their benefit and two demonstrators would show them. My script was based on that show, and one of these circle of friends, Arun became Swami and two others become the demonstrators. The play was a hit and it one an award. And then yoga became history as other sports became more important.

As I connected with these friends the last few days and went down the memory lane, I realized those seeds of yoga never left me, just as these friends never left me. We started right back virtually and through pictures. Nothing has changed, but everything has changed. Those memories remain. It was a time of my life I cannot forget, and its a time I share with my children in form of stories, so they can then share it and the stories become family legends. That is so reminiscent of how yoga has evolved too. Passed down from generation to generation.

To the memories of times gone by....

Namaste

The Yogi

Fighting the battles - learning to conquer Adho Mukha Vrksasana

Well folks my bloggers block has persisted though I have been writing but on other blogs and for other reasons so that preoccupation has taken away time from this blog. I am continually challenged by the loss of the ability to perform arm balances, such as Adho Mukha Vrksasana. My sessions with Nuvana have been all about building the strength in the arms and upper back needed for the lifting, but the added weight of about 20 pounds mostly around the belly has been restricting the lifting of the hips. But something interesting happened in class the other day. She had me go to the ropes instead and jump up holding the ropes in Sirasana form. You are upside down, but holding the upper ropes in your hands, and you are in lying down prostrate position flat against the wall, but inverted.

There is tremendous pull on your arms as you literally stand upside down, but the head is in the air. After a few seconds, your legs come down to the floor, over your head, like a high angle dog pose. You are ready for lift off again.

Believe it or not my legs went right up, just as if I was performing an Adho Mukha Vriksasana. The hips felt light, and the inversion was almost in slow motion. What helped? It was the support of the hands and arms with the ropes. That provided the energy and the support to lift off.. Eureka! Its not the hips, its probably not the weight, it is the ARMS and SHOULDERS! That is my nemesis.

Imagine if you could do the same in life, clearly understanding and identifying your challenges, how much more access you have to resolving them. Ironically I am on a parallel track of another challenge, a fight, a battle.... I need a similar exercise to find the source of the problem that is creating this battle and how to overcome. I think I have a good teacher to help me with that, but at the same time I have to keep trying....

Namaste

The Yogi

Where has been the yogi been???

I am sure many of the regulars are wondering what has happened to my blog posts. I am suffering from writers block I think in addition to a very hectic travel schedule that included a week of R&R with my munchkins for Spring Break in San Diego and Disneyland. My yoga practice has deteriorated to once a week. My weight is up 10 pounds adding to my struggle with arm balance poses. My hips are just not moving, yada yada yada... and I have been spending more time reading blogs, including that of the a famous Indian movie star Amitabh Bachchan and a Mumbai based writer Shobhaa De, whose book Superstar India I read last year.

Amongst all this I end up in San Francisco for a trade show and it opens up an opportunity to find the best Iyengar yoga studio in town. I had already done that research when I met Rita Manuso, Manos Manuso and two other teachers from Abode of Iyengar Yoga. I had to take a class from Manuso, now matter how intimidated I was made to feel by others. And what a class it was. It reminded me of Pune and the intensity. This was an experience I will not forget. I introduced myself ahead to him and he basically encourage me to absolve myself and take it as it comes. This class was all about shoulders and neck and he made us do some very interesting poses, including a paired up Shirsasana on a pole. Manuso gently corrected me a few times. I had already warned Rita I had trouble with lifting up on arm balances, so when it came to Pinchmayurasana, she was right there assisting. me.

Instructions were rapid fire, blankets and blocks were Punesque and the studio large, airy, aesthetically designed with a great sun roof, natural light, even though it was cold and windy as hell outside. The class couldn't have been more perfect, we were all huffing and puffing, and some guys stripping of their shirts, which was a first as the heat emanated out of our bodies going from pose to pose. It was an amazing class to say the least. I would highly recommend anyone visiting SF to take one of Manuso's public level 2-5 class. Show up early, he turns away late comers.

I had promised David I would come to his class next day at 7 am. I couldn't make it, I was sore as if I had 3 days of uninterrupted weight training. I am still sore, so I am resting again today. Maybe I will go tomorrow afternoon.

Off to my trade show now....

Namaste

The Yogi

Hang upside down and let your aches and pain dissipate...

On Saturday I attended Nuvana's back care class at Sunset Yoga after a Friday evening back care regiment in private session with her. We determined that forward bends were aggravating it, so there were a number of supported back bends performed, along with twists. She avoided the traction with belts. My back pain was isolated to the lower left and heavy lifting was responsible in aggravating an old injury many years ago playing racquetball. Nuvana has no background in human physiology or anatomy, but she has a knack for isolating the area and using her skills to twist, stretch and turn you to relax the area. It is interesting to observe and feel your back pain slowly disappearing albeit for a short while.

Back to Saturday morning. The pain had moved to the center of the lower back and any forward bending would aggravate it. It was bearable. The class had many who were in some sort of pain. We started with some sitting poses and I could feel my shoulders tighten. Did I sleep wrong. The class was hard and eventually we ended up at the ropes. The best 10 minutes were hanging down in sirsasana. I had done rope sirsasana in some time and that just relaxed me completely. I would highly recommend it....

Namaste

The Yogi

Bad Knees equate to bad posture....

The clicking and pain in my knees while performing standing poses returned after the new year. My right knee is especially bad. Any sort of step climbing or squats makes my brain automatically go into protection mode and my leg avoids extreme pressure. The knee clicking got bad enough, that it was time to get a yoga therapy session for knees this Friday with Nuvana.

We did several modified poses. The whole idea was to relax the knee and there are several poses such dandasana, supta padangustasana, badha konasana and a half form of dhanurasana that Nuvana combines with traction using belts and ropes to achieve relaxation of the knee. The stretching of the calf muscles and the muscle at the back of your leg right behind the knee lets the knee reposition. She also observed my bad posture. I was putting more weight on the right leg and it was possible that my really bad knee was the left one, forcing me to use more of the right and overwork it. She based it on another interesting phenomena. After the first round of knee traction, my painful right knee felt better, but the left knee became tight. I was reminded of an earlier post on bad knees I wrote in August 2008.

A balanced standing posture is important in maintaining balance of work our body has to do including the knees. I am very aware of it, and ever since I started practicing yoga, I make efforts to maintain a balanced standing posture described in the Tadasana pose in Light on Yoga. But its easy to fall back to the old habits, so its important to observe yourself standing. I guess there is a life lesson in what I just wrote - "be observant of your bad habits and make ongoing efforts to correct them or avoid them!"

Back to the Friday session, by the end of the 90 minutes, I was climbing stairs with no pain in either knee. This is the magic of Nuvana's Iyengar yoga therapy. Its been three days, no pain in the knee, and I am very observant of maintaining a balanced posture while standing.

I have re-learnt another life lesson. To get to a balance sometimes requires gentle tugging. You may think you have the bull by the horns, but sometimes gentle tugging is required on both sides to tame a rowdy bull.

Namaste

The Yogi

A year later - where is my yoga journey?...

On Jan 5th last year I wrote my first post entitled the Power of Yoga. I finally share why I started this blog. It was on a whim and in reaction to an attack to my ego - very un-yogic I say. I was appalled to see a celebrity trying to teach overweight folks yoga, more specifically "Power yoga" on her blog. So that was my inspiration - not to teach yoga but share my journey and possibly inspire others.

I have to admit, that inspiration has transformed into an avenue where I can express myself and how I see the world, with yoga becoming the filter I put in front of my camera lens. I gave up many things in the last year, but I have to say with pride, I have not given up yoga and it has stuck with me like a loyal friend. Yoga has made me more aware and made the idea of pratyahara real for me, where I am able introspect and withdraw myself from the noise around me, by first simply becoming aware of through observation and then slowly becoming tranquil and start disconnecting by going inwards.

It has made an amazing transformation in my life and my ability to deal with stressful situations and individuals who create stress in my life. This blog has helped articulate and understand that better.

Despite this transformation, I am not above anything - I am as vulnerable as anyone else. I have my demons, and there are days when these demons come to life and start attacking me and distracting. Just tonight in my advanced class with Nina, I was distracted by thoughts that caused me to lose my concentration and with that you lose your physical strength and will to stay in poses. It is these stress missiles that are hard to get away from and I have found that back bends and inversions tend to bring these out even more.

But despite these distractions, I remain firm and committed to my yoga practice, my growing interest in the interpretation and understanding of sutras and most of all to get on the path of clarity and acceptance of my life the way it is now with a sincere hope for happiness to return someday to me and my two girls, who along with me sustain grief and struggle with the marginalization and deprivation they have been subjected to from my life. Nothing could be in their worst interest than marginalization of their loving dad from their lives.

Yoga has helped me tremendously to deal with this loss and I know deep down, some day the universe will change it. In the meantime we make the best use of the time we have together with a hope to a better future, as life can only get better when we have optimism and determination to sustain the pain with a smile.

I have been out of my posting frenzy for a few weeks. This is my restart - slowly but surely to write again. Thanks Nina for a great class tonight! And thanks to all of you readers who come frequently and the ones who send me comments. Thank you Karin Payson for the great picture with the Bellur School Kids. Its inspires me to write more..

Namaste

The Yogi

BKS Iyengar 90th Birthday South India Tour Dec 18th

This was day two of our trip, that included a 7 hour journey from E-Inn in Bangalore to the two 11th century stone temples in Halebidu and the other Bellur spelt "Belur". The morning started a bit chaotic, but once everyone was settled in the buses (I in bus number 6), we were on our way. Little did I know I was amongst some of the luminaries of the Iyengar yoga world including Swati Chanchani, Faeq Bria, Patricia Walden, John Schumacher .. and more... I sat next to Wolfgang, an Iyengar yoga teacher from Cologne who enlightened me about many things about yoga and Germany and we remained bus companions for the next three days. By the end of this momentous trip Bus number 6 became a world community.

Guruji followed us with his family on this trip. It was an exhausting journey till 11:30 pm at night, but worth every minute. I have so much to share - it will be several days and weeks till I complete my entire journal of this trip, and believe me, I will!!!! I have tons of video footage documenting this trip in addition to pictures. I met some amazing Iyengar yogis throughout this trip and am very thankful I had the opportunity to be part of this wonderful experience we all shared with Guruji. His presence was felt all throughout - though my most momentous experience was my short but important discussion with Faeq Bria, one of Guruji's most important students, an educator, a spiritual scientist and Vedologist, an expert in Hinduism, Yoga, Sutras, Indophile extraordinaire. He sat across the aisle and I don't remember a moment where he was not discussing something with someone in the bus, mostly in french. It wasn't until we arrived back in Bangalore and shared an elevator down, that I finally got a chance to speak to him. Wolfgang had mentioned about his amazing workshops and I had to talk to him about my strong connection with Sutras and desire to take more pranayam. In summary, I wanted to be re inspired to focus my practice back on the asanas but integrate pranayama into it as well.

I told him I felt very connected to the Sutras. He said "its not surprising, its in your blood". I almost fell to the floor when I heard those words. It is in my blood I realized or why I else would I be in it. He advised that I should start integrating pranayama into my practice right away and that a strong integrated practice of asanas and pranayama is the way to really connect with the Sutras. He added that it is too easy to intellectualize the Sutras and simply be stuck in that realm, without the pragmatic experience of asana and pranayama. His words have been resounding in my head every since.

I will have much more to share in my next few blog posts. The tour concluded this morning (2oth). I have to plug the new Bangalore (Bengaluru) International Airport. It is one more leap forward and nothing like any other airports - its world class. So those of you who maintain a critical view of things in India, well we Indians eventually do get it, through long hard struggles of thousands of years of making mistakes and the beauty of our character lies in those mistakes we make, the many times we fall, we just pick ourselves up and keep plugging away till we finally get that perfect asana and the deepest breath. There are still 500 million of us who remain downtrodden, but its those 500 million that we strive to uplift will change the world. Guruji has taken a small step in transforming the children of his native village Bellur, and I made a generous contribution to that effort as a gift for his birthday. I hope you will do so as well. That is the best gift you can make to him and the children of India. There are many such efforts underway..... I am determined in my own way to be part of that change. As Gandhiji said "To make a change you need to become a part of it....".

Enjoy the pictures and thanks to everyone who sent their nice comments and thanks to all my new friends on this trip who shared their thoughts and experiences with me. I am truly inspired by each one of you. How amazing is this connection of Iyengar yoga and Guruji!!!! If you would like to remain updated, subscribe to the blog via email, as I will be posting pictures and videos from this occasion for the next few weeks.

Enjoy the pictures and I end with the following words from an earlier post - Change and see the world change around you! I am now yearning to return home to my two little munchkins who I love dearly and missed alot during this trip and so wished they were with me to share in this experience. There were many kids they would have loved to have hang out with ...

Namaste

The Yogi

Fear of death - an update

I have had a chance to speak with numerous folks about the events of 26/11 in Mumbai. There were numerous innuendos of conspiracies and how they could have been more than 10 terrorists that landed on the coast. One said maybe as many as 100 and how this was all political and timed to be right before elections in India. I heard two comments that made my heart stop:

One was from Najeeb. One of his private students was in the Oberoi hotel with a group that was gunned down on the 18th floor. He survived by staying still and pretending dead and apparently his Iyengar yoga experience helped. He took a bullet in the leg and one grazed his leg. He spent 16 hours in a vent along with two others drinking water dripping from an AC unit. They were eventually rescued by the commandos. It was a remarkable story of being fearless and calm in a very difficult and stressful situation.

The second came from one of my managers. He said "when you have no fear of dying" you can be extremely destructive. The terrorists in Mumbai had no fear of dying, so even a small group of 10 was able to achieve such destruction. How empowered that feeling became. These guys had no fear of death. Wow, that was a chilling realization! The sutras teach us to not have that fear, and if you can achieve it, you have achieved a level of courage that can be very constructive, but I never thought about the destructive forces that such lack of fear creates, especially of dying. I realized I had encountered situations myself where the lack of fear simply made someone so empowered and as a result extremely destructive. There is always a dark side to the bright side. I fear the dark :)

This is a great question for the Sutra experts? Is eliminating fear always the best?

Namaste

The Yogi

What does it mean to be detached?

I continue to explore and deepen my understanding of "detachment" through my yoga practice and real life experiences by increasing my awareness of this concept - in a nut shell i have become much more aware of the need to detach from situations that create imbalance in my life. Its in this exploration, awareness and experimentation that I feel I am approaching a deeper understanding of it.

But this exploration also leads to more questions and concerns in my mind. What does it really mean to be detached? Does it mean that when I detach from something or someone have I become cold and dis compassionate? Does detachment means "avoidance"? Does it make me weak and meek? Does it prevent me from fighting back when I need to fight? Does it mean I become a victim and victimized, when I feel the need to detach from situation where I may feel oppressed and at the losing end of some battle. When do you detach and what do you detach from? All these questions brew in my head, every time I find myself in a situation where I simply detach from.

Yesterday I found myself in a situation, where my detachment compelled me to be unresponsive. I was put into a situation where I was to compete with someone for a position, that I had no desire to seek or asked for, but was compelled to be in the situation to avoid a worse situation. I had no desire to win, so I lost because I simply detached from the need to win. Winning would have been great for my ego and ego of others, but losing meant keeping peace and neutrality. But who likes to lose? In the past I would have never inclined to put myself in such a situation - I would rather just walk away or duke it out. I didn't fight and I chose to simply detach and not even participate in voting or canvasing. I lost, but did I really lose?

It concerned me and I questioned if I should have taken a different path. If I was put in the fray wasn't the right thing to fight and put my best foot forward to win vs becoming detached? Once it was all over, I was relieved I lost, but was it really over for me as I maintained my detachment from the whole process including not participating in the rejoicing emails that followed. I clapped for the winner, as I truly felt that was the best outcome, but if I was detached, I wanted to detach in completion and not be part of the winning or losing, the rejoicing or the disappointment. I had to remain neutral by not voting and not seeking and finally not rejoicing for the winner as a good loser. It did concern me and question - was this truly detachment and essence of Patanjali's yoga sutra or simply an avoidance of hurt.

I questioned if at the end in such instances, was there really a winner or a loser? Does it really matter who wins or who loses, if the goal at the end for us is to merge our soul with the higher power. My happiness and contentment comes from observing and experiencing what comes at me in the present and then let that present moment dissolve to the next moment. The less I judge it, the less stressed I feel. Is that the true essence of detachment?

A Sutra Class with Chris Saudek

I had the pleasure of taking a two hour Yoga Sutra class with Chris Saudek, a well know Iyengar yoga teacher, who was conducting a work shop at the Julie Lawrence Yoga Center this weekend.

I walked into to find many of my fellow students from Sunset, along with Nina in the class. Everyone except for me had the Sutra book and a note book - I guess there was a required reading of certain Sutra's but somehow I missed that part. It wasn't really intimidating though - I was there to learn about the Sutras, even though I have made invaluable attempts to read through the Light on Sutra's book by Guruji, most of my learning has been through listening many of the teacher's especially Nina refer to the sutras in class and the one that I have been most impacted by is the sutra that tells us to be "indifferent, tranquil and detached".

It was a very interactive class, as Chris went through some selected Sutras and there were some interesting discussions and thoughts presented. Though I don't claim to be an authority on the sutras, but here are some of my interpretations of some of the essence of some of the Sutras that have had an important impact on me and my life and have changed my view of the world in the last three years:

1. The purpose of Asanas: Chris asked the class about their interpretation of the asanas, why asanas were important as one of the eight limbs of yoga. I didn't get a chance to put my two cents in, as I had already in some way challenged the notion of long, interrupted practice of asanas as a way to develop detachment. Asanas are invaluable in helping you go from "the outer to inner self", slowly and thoughtfully, but in a highly physical manner. It is the physical mechanism to activate your body to allow you to deep into your inner mind. Understanding of your inner self allows gives you a pathway to achieving detachment and neutrality.

2. Detachment : Detachment is really about being neutral and balanced. I feel we cannot be completely detached, complete compassionate, or dis compassionate, desired or undesired. Anything in extreme is unbalancing for our mind, body and spirit. Detachment allows to simply step away from situations and events and allows to experience and observe events that are distractions to our mind, disruptive to our lives, in a neutral manner. Detachment allows us to express the love and compassion that is seeded in our soul. Detachment gives us the ability to balance all the virtues and vices that are also seeded in us. It allows us to deal with our fears and insecurity.

3. The inner mind: Chris asked everyone to describe a picture of our mind. I answered "circle". She said a circle implies your mind is bound and restrained. I thought about some more and I think our minds are circular, but with a twist, they are really spirals, as a spiral is an evolutionary symbol. I think yesterday I was looking at spiral from the outside in, from the top view of a spiral. Mind evolves and circles like a spiral. To get to your inner mind is an evolution and the essence of the mind is really connected to your soul, what ties all of us together to form the collective soul, the higher being that we are all part of.

There were many other aspects of Sutras that captured my attention in the class, but the essence of what I took back was that we are on a journey, I am on a journey and yoga has helped me make this journey a lot more thoughtful and introspective, allowing me to experience life with a lot more calmness and detachment despite the constant storms and tribulations I face every day. I don't know the outcome of all this, I quite honestly no longer focus on the outcome.

I simply try my best to live in the moment and experience and observe every moment of life as it comes to me with as little malice, judgement, ego and remorse I can. I try not to look back or forward. I just try to remain in the moment. It doesn't mean I don't have visions, desires or purpose - but I make my best efforts to have the balance in order to remain in that moment. That is the essence of detachment and neutrality. That is what I have learnt from the little I have learnt about the Sutras in my journey in the last three years.

Namaste

The Yogi

An insightful class with Julie Lawrence!

My friend Care, a fellow Iyengar Yogi invited me to attend a level 3 class with Julie Lawrence, director of the Julie Lawrence Yoga Center in Portland. Julie has been teaching Iyengar yoga for a very long time and many of my teachers were her students. Wednesday nights are becoming my yoga adventure nights; to try a different class with a different teacher. This class was quite different and Julie is a legend amongst the Iyengar Yoga teachers in the community.

The class was packed. Her yoga center is in the heart of downtown Portland near the Max-line, packed with restaurants, including my favorite Indian called East India Grill. It was a warm evening, probably the last warm evening of fall and the windows were open and you could hear the hustle and bustle outside as it was end of the day office hour and the restaurants were turning on their stoves with the wonderful smell of food being cooked gently floating in...

Julie had a sign up on a small whiteboard in front of the class. It had a quote from Yoga Sutras about friendship. She asked the class to make that the theme of the class this week. The invocation was done in Virsasana style and this pose was carried through many of the initial poses in the class. Additionally we performed an Adho Mukha Svanasana with arms flat in the Pinch Mayurasana form. All in preparation for poses such as Eka Pada Bhekasana (one legged frog pose).

I had a stiff neck and stiff upper back from an introductory personal training session at the gym- yes I am back on the dark side again to improve my fitness level, strength and cardio vascular training. Just a kick in the pants to get me back on my walking track.

I couldn't get into Adho mukha Vriksana, but I did get into Pinch Mayurasana twice. Julie's instructions were similar to Jen's on how to position your index finger and thumb on the blocks, along with rolling your wrists from the outside to inside. Up I went, but no balancing. Push your feet together .. I heard in the background. That's hard with my tightness.

We then migrated to Supta Virasana which I did just fine. There was not much adjustment needed and then onto the One Legged Frog Pose. That was my first time in this pose. I think I got a real appreciation of being able to push the sacrum down while raising yourself in that interesting contortion. Then it was onto Dhanursana - back bend. One of my readers mentioned that back bends connect you to your past as it gives you a chance to observe your past while you are in back bends.

In that moment I was so sweaty and exhausted, I was really only focused in the present. Julie said earlier yoga helps you be in the present - that made so much sense as I didn't seem to have any connection to my past. I wasn't thinking much in the class and neither was I feeling the pressure to grunt or groan or not. It was a challenging class, but I didn't feel like I needed to prove anything to anyone, including myself.

I was truly feeling myself and enjoying every moment of the warm breeze flowing in from the open windows. I was reminded of RIMYI, in Pune with the open windows with a lot less noise. But who cares about the noise - this is just part of the ambiance... there was no focus on the noise, external or internal as it really didn't matter. I was more focused on enjoying the poses and the pain that you are in when you are in long virasana position. Wait! Wasn't that mentioned in the sutra at the start of the class?

The last major pose was Halasana (with some variations). Since I had to use the chair, I couldn't do the variations. It was harder than usual, as my upper back was really hurting and I had frequently bend my knees which needed correction from Julie. She walked the whole class and there were lots of questions being asked. Once out of Halasana we went into a longer than normal Shavasana.

My eyes couldn't shut initially, so I just stared with a blank mind in the darkness and eventually the eyes shut. I was not asleep but I was out - I didn't hear the bell ring. It was very quiet. Julie then chanted another heart warming sanskrit shloka.. I don't recall all the words, but the last few were Bhavantu, Om Shanti, Om Shanti, Om Shanti! Peace is what that implies and peace is what I got at the end...

I enjoyed the class very much. Julie invited me to come back again which I will. My friend Care and I then walked across the street to the best Indian restaurant in town and I broke my 3 day vegetarian diet with my favorite Rogan Josh.

The lesson I learnt that evening was that being yourself is the best thing you can do for you. By focusing on yourself, you empower yourself to be who you are and try not to be who you are not. I realized that I have to strive to be present in the moment and not worry too much about the past, though I cannot forget my past. Being in the present means being surrounded by what helps you to who you are and not what others expect you to be. That is what yoga teaches you the most - Just Be Yourself! Thank you Julie Lawrence, I will be back! For more information on her yoga center visit jylc.com

Namaste

The Yogi

Enlighten Up! the movie - Up Close and Personal with Kate Churchill and Nick Rosen

This past Friday night, I had the pleasure of attending the Boston premiere of a beautiful movie about yoga - Enlighten Up! It is directed by writer, documentary film director and fellow yogini Kate Churchill. The premise of this movie comes from a local Boston couple Ted and Jeanne Hagerty who met yoga guru and indologist Norman Allen in Hawaii in 2003. They were inspired by him, which sparked a passion to create a movie on yoga, their first movie production. Ted and Jeanne connected with Kate to create the concept behind the movie "A skeptic's journey into the world of yoga".

Kate found Nick Rosen, a journalist by profession who had recently quit his job, He was mountain climbing in Europe when Kate offered him the opportunity to be the subject. Nick was a yoga novice, a skeptic, but at the same time a very intelligent and thoughtful man, who had grown up on a farm in Quebec and exposed to eastern philosophies and religious movements of the 70s. Kate was hoping to transform Nick by putting him on this 6 month journey of exploration and learning of yoga by connecting him to some of the great yoga luminaries in the US and India. She hoped that some of that transformation at the end would rub on her and she would gain some enlightenment from that experience as well.

The six month adventure started in New York City where Nick was introduced to yoga through classes at a variety of yoga studios in the city. Nick's struggles to get into the various contortions and poses are funny and reminiscient to many of us die hard yogis, as it reminds us of our own struggles, the challenges, the fears and the exhaustion we faced when first took a yoga class.

Nick tries several classes including Hatha, Vinyasa, Bikram, Dharma Mitra, Jivamukti and Kundalini. His conversations with the teachers and fellow students are honest. funny and real as he as he attempts to understand the true meaning of yoga. He is struggling with his understanding and feeling pressure to develop this "transformation". He is constantly being questioned and challenged by Kate, who expects him to continually evolve on this path of enlightenment. He describes Kundalini - Kundalooney, causing the audience to break into laughter.

Nick is on a compressed journey and his first "true yogic experience" occurs in Hawaii when he travels to the big island to experience yoga with Norman Allen. Norman is the inspirational character behind the movie. He spent many years in India studying Indian Religion and History and is a gold medalist from Mysore University. He also brought Ashtanga yoga to America. Nick is challenged in many ways, both physically, intellectually and spiritually by Norman.

From Hawaii, Nick and Kate travel to Mysore, India to experience Ashtanga Yoga at the Yoga Shala of Shri Pattabhi Jois. Nick is physically challenged by this practice but he finds little spiritual connection. "Practice Practice Practice" says Guru Jois when asked about how to find this path to enlightenment. Nick finds himself out of place at the Yoga Shala - though later he admitted that he liked the Ashtanga style of yoga.

From Mysore Nick and Kate travel to Pune, India to meet the grandmaster of yoga, Shri BKS Iyengar at his institute, RIMYI. He gets an audience with Guruji and I think this is probably the time where some of the confusion in Nick's mind is resolved. Guruji tells him he didn't even think of the spiritual aspects of yoga till 1960, nearly 30 years after he started doing yoga. It was all physical for him prior to that. That hit a chord with Nick and he describes Guruji as "cool". There several scenes from the insitute with Nick on the ropes in Prashant Iyengar's class and the interview in the library.

This was a touching moment for me, as it was reminicent of my own experience in Pune and bringing back memories of own experience at RIMYI. I saw Nick practicing next to Abhay, one of the teachers I took classes from in one scene. A most poignant moment was when Nick slowly and cautiously glided his legs up into a balanced Sirsana. Three months prior Nick struggled with keeping his legs up; he crashed down while being instructed by Dharma Mitra.

This was a physical transformation that Nick experienced. I am uncertain if he realized that as he was still questioning and trying to find the pathway to enlightenment. All through the movie Nick was experiencing a transformation that he continued to challenge and question and butt heads with Kate. Nick mentioned in the Q and A later that the Iyengar style definitly connected with him, especially in his mountain climbing experience.

There are many such poignant moments. There was one towards the end of his time in Mysore when Kate questions him about his experience in Mysore. Nick was missing his family by then and had missed thanksgiving with them. He gets emotional and tears rolled down his cheeks as he remarked that the healing atmosphere of Mysore somehow reminded him of his mother and the yoga experience in Mysore connected him back to his mom.

My tears rolled down at the same time, it was too close to heart, as I am many times reminded of my mother and family when I practice yoga, especially in India. I think many of us have experienced some strong connection back to our family and home during that time. I think that was a transformational point for Nick.

The journey then moves to Brindavan in North India, where Nick experiences Bhakti Yoga, the most devotional aspect of yoga. Nick has a guide "Shyamdas" an American he met at Jivamukti, who has lived in India for 30 years and can speak Hindi and Sanskirt. Shyamdas connects Nick with many Sadhus and Yogis, who are much more absorbed in the spiritual aspects of yoga rather than physical. The most inspiring and telling experience was with Guru Sharan Anand. Nick asks about the path and practice to enlightenment; to which he responds "Its inside you, you are the mostest important person under the sun, happiness is within you, whether you believe in god or not, practice yoga or not".

Guru Sharan's simple but powerful discourse and conversation with Nick summed up this intense and challenging but most inspiring adventure of Nick and Kate. Towards the end, there is a quiet scene with Nick, Shyamdas and Kate on a boat on the river Yamuna. Nick is reflective and doesn't know what to say, when Kate asks him what he was thinking. Shyamdas remarks "sometimes you don't need to share or say anything to preserve the moment".

The journey to India ends when Nick leaves home for New York at 190 days from the day he started. He missed his family and it was time to go. The music all through the movie by composer Krishna Venkatesh was uplifting and inspiring.

Nick's life journey had only begun. He came back to New York confused and challenged. He decides to move to Boulder, Colorado, where he starts a new life as a writer and documentary film maker for rock climbing. He admits he is no longer practicing yoga regularly, though occassionally he will gear up and attend classes when his back his hurting and feel better and then the pressures of life take over. Nick feels there was some tranformation and enlightenment. His mother visits him regularly in Boulder.

This movie is a must watch for anyone and everyone whether they do yoga or not. There are some very special and inspiring moments that have been captured from these amazing spiritual gurus. I was very engaged by the movie, as there were many moments during the film where I personally could relate and connect with both Nick and Kate, including the skeptisicm, along with the burning desire to transformation. His connection to his mother in Mysore hit home with me in a very deep way.

His conversations with Guru Sharan were incredible and simply inspiring. There are lots of funny moments and many where you reflect on yourself and reflect and reminice your own experiences in life. This truly is a beautiful creation and believe it or not there is 485 hours of footage that has not been shown. It took 4 years for this project to be completed. Nick and Kate started filming in 2004.

There are so many pathways to experience yoga, sprituality and enlightenment and it all starts from within, from you, as you take a journey from the outside to inside to discover yourself and who you truly are. Enlighten Up! tells a story about this so personal and profound experience. So please go watch it and if its not yet scheduled to come to your city, lobby for it.

Thanks again to Kate and Nick for letting me interview them. The movie will play at MFA through Sunday and then play at Kendall Square through September. Kate tells me there are definite plans to take the movie to many other major cities including Portland. We hope to see you there. Please visit the Enlighten Up movie website for more information.


Namaste


The Yogi

Video: Upclose and Personal with Kate Churchill and Nick Rosen

Part 1 of 3


Part 2 of 3


Part 3 of 3


Enlighten Up! Trailer


Out Takes from The Movie

Yoga is going from the outer to the inner deep within

Tonight was my first class for the fall term at Sunset Yoga Center. Advanced class with Nina. I went in apprehensive about how the one month in Pune would have changed Nina's teaching - I was expecting some strenous poses. I have been out of practice and tight.

We started the class with Nina describing some of her experiences in Pune and a few questions. What was one thing you brought back I asked - "Better Back Bends"... She was glad to be back home. Her experience in India was not to different from what many have in their very first trip.

She decided to give us a "Geeta lite" class. It was a light version of what she experienced with Geetaji in her first class with her at RIMYI. A combination of basic standing poses, starting with Adho Mukha Svanasana, Trikonasana, VB 1, 2 and 3 and Uttanasana. Then we transitioned to Supta Badha Konasana, a lying down Urdhva Hastasana and then a Sirsasana. I went right up and balanced - I was thrilled. I had had no practice since I got back from India, but my Sirsana balancing lesson with Nuvana paid off. It didnt last too long, but I was happy with my Sirsasana. I got a lot of confidence. We then transitioned to Setu Bandha on a black. All along there were instructions to subtly adjust the poses to get the maximum effect of the pose. We ended with a chair Sarvangasana.

Nina talked about how in Pune the ending "a" is rarely pronounced after any of the asan(a) name such as Tudasana, so she was going to try to use that pronunciation. A fellow student commented its asana in sanskrit and asan in Hindi. Right I said to myself, and Tudsana is really Taarrhdasan (a heavy r and d sound)... you say Tudasana, I say Taarrhdasana - at the end of the day we all are trying to achieve the same goal, and in Nina's final words "from the outer to the inner".