I continue to explore and deepen my understanding of "detachment" through my yoga practice and real life experiences by increasing my awareness of this concept - in a nut shell i have become much more aware of the need to detach from situations that create imbalance in my life. Its in this exploration, awareness and experimentation that I feel I am approaching a deeper understanding of it.
But this exploration also leads to more questions and concerns in my mind. What does it really mean to be detached? Does it mean that when I detach from something or someone have I become cold and dis compassionate? Does detachment means "avoidance"? Does it make me weak and meek? Does it prevent me from fighting back when I need to fight? Does it mean I become a victim and victimized, when I feel the need to detach from situation where I may feel oppressed and at the losing end of some battle. When do you detach and what do you detach from? All these questions brew in my head, every time I find myself in a situation where I simply detach from.
Yesterday I found myself in a situation, where my detachment compelled me to be unresponsive. I was put into a situation where I was to compete with someone for a position, that I had no desire to seek or asked for, but was compelled to be in the situation to avoid a worse situation. I had no desire to win, so I lost because I simply detached from the need to win. Winning would have been great for my ego and ego of others, but losing meant keeping peace and neutrality. But who likes to lose? In the past I would have never inclined to put myself in such a situation - I would rather just walk away or duke it out. I didn't fight and I chose to simply detach and not even participate in voting or canvasing. I lost, but did I really lose?
It concerned me and I questioned if I should have taken a different path. If I was put in the fray wasn't the right thing to fight and put my best foot forward to win vs becoming detached? Once it was all over, I was relieved I lost, but was it really over for me as I maintained my detachment from the whole process including not participating in the rejoicing emails that followed. I clapped for the winner, as I truly felt that was the best outcome, but if I was detached, I wanted to detach in completion and not be part of the winning or losing, the rejoicing or the disappointment. I had to remain neutral by not voting and not seeking and finally not rejoicing for the winner as a good loser. It did concern me and question - was this truly detachment and essence of Patanjali's yoga sutra or simply an avoidance of hurt.
I questioned if at the end in such instances, was there really a winner or a loser? Does it really matter who wins or who loses, if the goal at the end for us is to merge our soul with the higher power. My happiness and contentment comes from observing and experiencing what comes at me in the present and then let that present moment dissolve to the next moment. The less I judge it, the less stressed I feel. Is that the true essence of detachment?
Showing posts with label detach from emotions and pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label detach from emotions and pain. Show all posts
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Release yourself from pain and hardship!
Over the course of this blog I have written about the pain in my life but never discussed what this pain really was. Today a friend, or actually a group of friends asked me finally the "Question" - and I finally answered ... it was cathartic and I finally came to grips with my impending divorce and destruction of my family. These last 18 months have been most painful and my devotion to yoga has helped tremendously in dealing with this pain - but the pain is systemic - how do you deal with the destruction of your family and your life as it stands and how do you deal with the impact on your two little kids whose life is completely wrecked and destroyed. How do you deal with the marginalization of your time with your kids, who you love and adore and want to be with the most in such a turmoil in their life.
The family law system in the US and many western countries "marginalizes" loving and active fathers from their children's lives because it percieves it being in the best interest of young children. There is no consideration to the feeling of fathers and the children foremost, who are caught in the middle and cannot express their true feelings as they are torn in the middle. The pain and hardship is so severe that no yoga in this world can help manage or reduce it. You simply have to detach from it. The problem is systemic in this country, its like a disease and the worst form of discrimination as fathers are marginalized from the lives of their children. The children are mentally and psychologically damaged. I am a victim of this disease and so are my children. I only pray to the universe that some day this discrimination and disease is eradicated from the society. In the meantime I focus on my yoga and do my best to detach from the pain and put my energies in making the best use of my limited time with my children.
This evening with these wonderful and supprotive friends finally gave me the courage to open up. They have been silent and supportive all this time. I couldn't have asked for any more. I realized tonight that yoga helps you detach from pain and hardship, but the only way you can eliminate it from your life is to just release yourself from the pain. Guruji says "in pain there is salvation", but the real salvation lies in not just the detachment, but complete release from it. It means breaking all barriers that lock the pain inside you and let it out completely. I took my first small step this evening. Maybe you can try it as well.
Namaste
The Yogi
The family law system in the US and many western countries "marginalizes" loving and active fathers from their children's lives because it percieves it being in the best interest of young children. There is no consideration to the feeling of fathers and the children foremost, who are caught in the middle and cannot express their true feelings as they are torn in the middle. The pain and hardship is so severe that no yoga in this world can help manage or reduce it. You simply have to detach from it. The problem is systemic in this country, its like a disease and the worst form of discrimination as fathers are marginalized from the lives of their children. The children are mentally and psychologically damaged. I am a victim of this disease and so are my children. I only pray to the universe that some day this discrimination and disease is eradicated from the society. In the meantime I focus on my yoga and do my best to detach from the pain and put my energies in making the best use of my limited time with my children.
This evening with these wonderful and supprotive friends finally gave me the courage to open up. They have been silent and supportive all this time. I couldn't have asked for any more. I realized tonight that yoga helps you detach from pain and hardship, but the only way you can eliminate it from your life is to just release yourself from the pain. Guruji says "in pain there is salvation", but the real salvation lies in not just the detachment, but complete release from it. It means breaking all barriers that lock the pain inside you and let it out completely. I took my first small step this evening. Maybe you can try it as well.
Namaste
The Yogi
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Detachment from Sorrow and Pain - Your children are your best teachers
For the first time in a while I had an amazing conversation with my father. Over the years I have learnt so much from him, but today I felt for the first time that I had enlightened him about something that he has been struggling with for years.
My father is blind and has been for the last 34 years. It was a tragic incident and I inherit those problems (Retinal Detachment). It was in that tragedy that my whole family was uprooted from India to move to North America for a better life. My dad never gave up - he worked despite his handicap for the best for his children but blindness prevented him to achieve everything he wanted in his career. He took early retirement, once his children were educated and set in life.
He lived a hard life as a youngster, first surviving one of the biggest earthquakes in Quetta (in Pakistan) in 1936 as an infant and then faced tremendous hardships as he and his family were uprooted from Quetta and moved to India in 1947, while India was divided by the British into three countries. He had a vision for his future and he worked for it, and educated himself, studying sometimes late night under a street light in a park. His life has been a constant source of inspiration for me.
While life seemed so settled and good, he still faced the trauma of blindness. He never received mobility training; so he remained dependant on my mother to hold his hand. He faced the death of my mother with great courage and a major heart surgery. What has kept him going is his utter dedication to his daily 4 hour practice of meditation, which includes chanting. But despite all this he has trouble detaching from pain and sadness. He seems to be not satisfied and is constantly troubled by his failed eyesight and he keeps thinking he still has some light. In that hope he lives, but alas that hope is just hope.
The reality is that he is able to function well and fine at home but he feels helpless. He is also devastated with recent events of my life. While I detach from the destruction in my life, he is constantly in pain and sadness by what that has done to our family. It was not in the master plan - life seemed so smooth and happy. He gives me hope but he himself feels hopeless which in turn torments me.
So today as he called me to wish me safe journey, he expressed his sadness and pain. I finally had the courage to speak up and say "why can't you just detach from this sadness, detach from my pain, and what I may be going through? What good is the 4 hour meditation?" I think those words simply summed it up for him and I think he realized that the only thing he can remain attached is hope, and the positive things he has in life. He has to detach from the pain, or he will never be happy.
I also realized that my kids do the same with me - when my 6 year old simply reads my face and says "daddy, can you please smile every time you look at me". She never forgets to remind me and it instantly brings the smile on my face. I realize how equally thoughtful and insightful your children are. Never underestimate them and never take them for granted as your private property. These were the words of a very thoughtful person. I will never forget what this person had to say. " Your children are not your property and you can't divide them or use them as such - they are not your little hostages!" I learnt an important lesson from this person. I broke down and cried.
I think your children are your greatest teachers. They are as thoughtful and intelligent as you may be; despite your age and experience. It is not your right to use your children as emotional pawns. They love you unconditionally and they will give it you unconditionally. Love your children unconditionally, teach them, take care of them - but also be open to their feelings , listen to them and learn from them and don't deny them the love they deserve from others, just because you may no longer love those people anymore. Let them go, let them be the person they need to be, free them from your own emotional chains, they will only love you more for that, but never love you any less. I guess that is in itself a form of detachment, while you remain so strongly attached to them.
With these thoughts I am off to Pune, India. I will hopefully detach some with the distance from my pain. I will miss my children every day while I am gone. They are my two little yoginis and I know they love their dad unconditionally no matter what, just as I love my dad no matter what.
Namaste
The yogi
My father is blind and has been for the last 34 years. It was a tragic incident and I inherit those problems (Retinal Detachment). It was in that tragedy that my whole family was uprooted from India to move to North America for a better life. My dad never gave up - he worked despite his handicap for the best for his children but blindness prevented him to achieve everything he wanted in his career. He took early retirement, once his children were educated and set in life.
He lived a hard life as a youngster, first surviving one of the biggest earthquakes in Quetta (in Pakistan) in 1936 as an infant and then faced tremendous hardships as he and his family were uprooted from Quetta and moved to India in 1947, while India was divided by the British into three countries. He had a vision for his future and he worked for it, and educated himself, studying sometimes late night under a street light in a park. His life has been a constant source of inspiration for me.
While life seemed so settled and good, he still faced the trauma of blindness. He never received mobility training; so he remained dependant on my mother to hold his hand. He faced the death of my mother with great courage and a major heart surgery. What has kept him going is his utter dedication to his daily 4 hour practice of meditation, which includes chanting. But despite all this he has trouble detaching from pain and sadness. He seems to be not satisfied and is constantly troubled by his failed eyesight and he keeps thinking he still has some light. In that hope he lives, but alas that hope is just hope.
The reality is that he is able to function well and fine at home but he feels helpless. He is also devastated with recent events of my life. While I detach from the destruction in my life, he is constantly in pain and sadness by what that has done to our family. It was not in the master plan - life seemed so smooth and happy. He gives me hope but he himself feels hopeless which in turn torments me.
So today as he called me to wish me safe journey, he expressed his sadness and pain. I finally had the courage to speak up and say "why can't you just detach from this sadness, detach from my pain, and what I may be going through? What good is the 4 hour meditation?" I think those words simply summed it up for him and I think he realized that the only thing he can remain attached is hope, and the positive things he has in life. He has to detach from the pain, or he will never be happy.
I also realized that my kids do the same with me - when my 6 year old simply reads my face and says "daddy, can you please smile every time you look at me". She never forgets to remind me and it instantly brings the smile on my face. I realize how equally thoughtful and insightful your children are. Never underestimate them and never take them for granted as your private property. These were the words of a very thoughtful person. I will never forget what this person had to say. " Your children are not your property and you can't divide them or use them as such - they are not your little hostages!" I learnt an important lesson from this person. I broke down and cried.
I think your children are your greatest teachers. They are as thoughtful and intelligent as you may be; despite your age and experience. It is not your right to use your children as emotional pawns. They love you unconditionally and they will give it you unconditionally. Love your children unconditionally, teach them, take care of them - but also be open to their feelings , listen to them and learn from them and don't deny them the love they deserve from others, just because you may no longer love those people anymore. Let them go, let them be the person they need to be, free them from your own emotional chains, they will only love you more for that, but never love you any less. I guess that is in itself a form of detachment, while you remain so strongly attached to them.
With these thoughts I am off to Pune, India. I will hopefully detach some with the distance from my pain. I will miss my children every day while I am gone. They are my two little yoginis and I know they love their dad unconditionally no matter what, just as I love my dad no matter what.
Namaste
The yogi
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